I think about the abortion every day...

 

I feel relief and grief every day over my decision. I regret it every day and have definitely changed since. I don't know if I could ever do it if I'm ever in that situation again. It wasn't the becoming pregnant that changed me, or breaking up with my partner it happened with. It was after the abortion, the emotional shock of it all has changed me forever.

 

I don't particularly care about the break up with my ex partner, we are the type of people that could be good friends and the split was mutual, I am more upset about the abortion. I think if he felt what I felt then he would be in the same state, but he never will so I understand why he doesn't care much about it. It hurts, but I can't help it.

 

I thought I was feeling grief afterwards, I've gone back on anti depressants. I feel physically better. I sought out counseling very briefly, but I've slowly realized that the pain of the abortion is slow, long and dull and will take many years to go away.

 

It is depressing in itself to think of what my child would have been like, because that is not a good thought to have, and I never WANT to think like that but I can't help it. I had it done on my 21st birthday. I don't know what my birthdays will be like from now on and I'm not looking forward to finding out. I just hope that I never take out my grief on anyway else and I hope I get better in the correct way and peacefully.