I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday, I was not in a relationship, but the father is one of my best friends. I have never been so scared in my life. My baby was gone that Friday. I know for many reasons that it was the right decision for me, I was sure of my decision the days up to and including the day of the abortion, even the rest of the day of the procedure.

The day after I was completely beside myself. I was uncontrollably crying, hysterical, nothing calmed me down. What did I do? Why did I end my baby's life? It tortures me, my baby haunts me. She is all I can think about. (I was only 7 weeks along but I just have that gut feeling my baby is a girl.) My friend tried to console me, but her first reaction was completely insensitive. When I first told her that I had found out I was pregnant, her first reaction was "oh my god! we're taking you to get an abortion RIGHT AWAY!" Despite the fact that the deed was already done, I was furious. How dare you say that to me? Like you have any right to tell me what to do with my body and my baby! She looked at it like a problem I "needed to get rid of." It was so painful. All I could think about was, well, what if I decided to keep my baby? What in the world would you say after that comment?

It's only been three days since the procedure and I'm still a wreck. It's all I can think about, I can barely keep my composure. I know over time I will heal, or at least I hope, I just hope I can come to terms with it sooner than later, I don't know how much longer I can take this. I know I will never forget my baby, my little angel, i just hope this gets easier...

I will never forget about you, you will always be in my heart. I know I made a hasty, terrible decision, but I hope you can forgive me easier than I will ever be able to forgive myself. I wouldn't have been able to give you the life you deserved baby, you deserve the world. You don't deserve me as your mother. I know God is taking the best care of you up in Heaven I pray to you and to God everyday for forgiveness and that one day I will be able to meet you, my little cherub. I'm so sorry. I love you, and always will.

I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday...